Here’s something nobody tells you about becoming who you want to be—it happens in the quiet, completely unglamorous in-between. We tend to worship the big milestones. We celebrate the new job, the launch day, or the bold New Year resolution. But those are just the trophies – mere symbols of the actual win.

The actual transformation happens on a random Tuesday when you are completely exhausted, but you choose kindness anyway. It happens when you are terrified of failing, but you take one tiny, shaky step forward anyway. Or when you are certain you are no good at something, but you do it anyway. Over and over again.

Growth isn’t a straight line upward; it is a constant process of stripping away who we thought we had to be.

Take, for example, learning to make a cup of chai. Your first trial may just taste like hot water and milk mixed together. Some cups later, you might discover that you added way too much tea powder and not enough sugar, and so on. Until one day, you take a sip and let out a sigh, releasing all the tension in your shoulders. That’s the moment you realize you have learned to make good chai.

Another case may be when you are trying to spend more time writing or creating. You want to become a creator. But until now, you have only been a consumer—endlessly scrolling social media, not paying attention to where your time is going. Then, one day, you decide to pick up a book or a journal and a pen instead of your phone. The next day, you do it again. And again. And again. Suddenly, one fine morning you realize—you have become a creator. All those small moments of intentional choices led to this magnificent shift.

This idea isn’t just for learning new skills. It is equally true for who you are as a person. If you are practicing grace to be able to respond rather than react, that will have to be an intentional choice, made across multiple instances and through a spectrum of heavy emotions.

If you want to be someone who does not let criticism derail their progress, then you will need to build fortitude the same way—training your brain, over and over, to accept what is beneficial and discard the rest. You build resilience one tiny trial at a time.

All of this echoes what Zen philosophy and writers like Glennon Doyle, Paulo Coelho have always reminded us: “Becoming requires unbecoming first.” To fill a cup with fresh chai, you must empty it of the stale water it holds first.

The journey will not always be easy, but the progress? That will always be worth it.

A Question to Sit With
If you were to describe the person you are slowly becoming—not in terms of achievements, job titles, or goals, but in terms of how you feel, how you treat people around you, and what you want to stand for… what would you say?

And if you asked yourself, “What one small thing did you do this week—however quietly—that moved you away from your cuurent self and closer to that person?” what would your reply be?

A Gentle Practice for Tonight
Before you close your eyes tonight, write down just one moment where you showed up as the person you are becoming. Where you chose to un-become who you were and step into your new reality.

Not perfectly.

Just genuinely.

Celebrate that win before you sleep. 💚

Hugs!
~Varada