This post is part of The Journey Back to Yourself—a three‑part series about pausing, noticing, and integrating who you are with how you show up. Each piece stands alone, but together they form a path: from awareness, to practice, to balance.

What You Might Discover

When I finally gave myself permission to stop and observe, here’s what I learned:

• I didn’t know who I was without the noise.
• I had spent so long attaching my worth to external markers—my career, my roles, my relationships, my productivity—that I had no idea what I actually enjoyed.
• It was terrifying at first. The silence. The lack of proof. The absence of achievement.

But slowly, something shifted.

I started noticing tiny things:

• I actually hate overscheduling myself, even though I kept doing it
• I feel most grounded when I’m creating something with my hands, not just my mind
• I reach for distraction when I’m avoiding a feeling, not when I need rest
• I’ve been performing connection instead of experiencing it
• I really do not know how to feel valuable to myself without first being useful to anyone else

These weren’t grand revelations. They were quiet truths buried under years of doing, achieving, proving.

What to Do With What You Observe

Once you’ve spent some time noticing, you might wonder: “Okay, now what?”

Here’s where the real work begins—and by work, I mean the gentle, imperfect practice of steering yourself back to you.

Start small. Make one small change and practice it for a few days.

Did you notice something that felt right? Something that made you feel more like yourself, even if just for a moment?

Pick one thing you genuinely love. Commit to it for just 10 minutes a day.

You’re going to feel guilty. Selfish. Like you should be doing something “more important.” Your brain will tell you it’s not enough, that you’re wasting time, that this doesn’t count as productive.

That’s alright. It’s to be expected.

But here’s what actually counts: showing up anyway. The pat on the back you should give yourself isn’t for being perfect—it’s for standing up for yourself. For choosing you, even when it feels uncomfortable.

Practice Saying No

As you get comfortable with this, try something a bit harder.

Identify one thing you do only to please others. Something you’d like to stop. Something that drains you, that you only do because you think you should, or because someone expects it.

Say no to it. Once. Then again. Maybe one more time.

See how you feel.

Again, your brain will conjure guilt. Selfishness. Fear that you’re letting people down. That’s alright. Those feelings will pass.

Track it. Make notes/journal/spreadsheets—whatever works for you.

Write down the changes you’re making. The small yeses to yourself. The necessary nos to others. The moments when it felt hard and you did it anyway.

And don’t give up before you’ve done it at least 21 times.

You Don’t Have to Have It Figured Out

This isn’t about becoming someone new or fixed or perfect.

It’s about coming back to yourself. Not the version of you that achieves and performs and pleases, but the version that simply exists—messy, uncertain, enough.

You won’t get there overnight. I haven’t even fully gotten there yet. Most of us are the same. Some days I still catch myself measuring my worth by my output, my usefulness, my adding value.

But I’m learning. And you can too.

A Small Invitation

💙 If you’re navigating this right now, I see you. Drop a comment or reply—tell me one small thing you noticed today—let’s start there together.

I’d love to hear where you are in this journey.

Hugs!
~Varada